Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
