This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
