Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
