in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
