Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
