I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
