ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
