Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
