he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
