While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
