ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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