I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
