i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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