after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
