I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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