My brain says no but my pants say off.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
