He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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