He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
