Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
