I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
