people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
