Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
