But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
