I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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