come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
