i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I AM VODKA MAN
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
