He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
