I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
