And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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