found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
