Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
