I wanna bring you to show and tell
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
