I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
