We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
