I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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