don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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