just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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