You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
