I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
