the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
