her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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