dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
