i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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