New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
