we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
