i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
