i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I wear drunk well.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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