Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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