Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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