Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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