i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
