It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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