don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
