What a fucking waste of an outfit
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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