I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
