I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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