You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
